3XV Try Juggernaut rolls over Royston
Merit 5 is no League of Gentlemen
Despite the town being renowned for its isolationist policy, ‘you’ll never leave’, Royston Vasey sent its Rugby Club’s 2XV on the long journey from their location somewhere in the Pennines of Northern England to face a Chiltern 3XV side that has its sights fixed firmly on winning this league.
Hmmm…Royston Vasey…? What do you think about that as an opening quip? That’s a twenty year-old reference that I was expecting you to go with and now I’m not so sure. In planning, I had thought about using the gag throughout; I’d imagined it as a humorous spine for the entire match report, but unfortunately I’m realising now that it’s actually overwrought, flimsy allusion that doesn’t really go anywhere. For starters, Royston have a reasonable away record and no home form, something that doesn’t align with my Royston Vasey idea. Furthermore, there are a decent number of notable intellectuals and creative types who hail from the town. Hmmm. Perhaps shoehorning some Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown references in would be more apt. No, Royston residents seem to be at odds with his brand of blue humour too, voting as they did overwhelmingly to Remain, these liberals are giving me literally nothing to go on except for a former Royston mayor who once said that ‘UKIP is not a racist party’. That’s surely not enough for this already limited gag.
So, I’m afraid that this entire match report will actually have to be about rugby.
It was a nice day, one of those perfect February days for a game of rugby – not cold, not hot, not windy, no rain – and Chiltern had a good fifteen running out on to the first team pitch for the first time this season. Royston were a good bunch, they had willing runners and a very good scrum that held up all game long. Sadly for them though, they were victims of Chiltern’s excellent line-out and rolling maul and in the second half they had few answers to Chiltern’s running out wide. Aside from a few concentration issues that can be easily worked on, it was a professional performance from Chiltern; the home side ending with nine tries and making very few mistakes on the ball. However, on a personal note, I remain disappointed that there is no TMO facility on the first team pitch, and what’s this about referees not listening to their touch-judges? Maybe he needs to get his brolly back out to be taken seriously again. Anyway, I hope my restraint was noted as I only argued with the referee a little bit, despite my dreams of finishing top scorer ebbing away with that decision. Congratulations to all the other try scorers, you know who you are.
Now, that’s enough rugby for one match report, so I’ll leave with this – ‘Before the boundary changes of the 1890s, the boundary between Hertfordshire and Cambridgeshire ran east–west through the centre of [Royston] town along the middle of Melbourn Street’. That’s breaking news. Now try writing a match report about the place.
Match Report words were from LC12
Match Photos from Ross Thompson